Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Of men, women and claw hammers…

And there it goes again! “Giggs brother went after him with a claw hammer”. I took a long hard stare at the monitor after I read details of the Manchester United football star’s sexcapades come to the surface. With more revelations that Ryan Giggs even went after his girlfriend’s brother’s girlfriend’s 49 year old mother , the case involving former IMF head Dominique Strauss-Kahn and recently that of US Senator David Vitter; I just couldn’t help but wonder what is it on earth is the problem between men and women.

In trying to make sense of it all, I tried relating it to why young males piss in the hallways, older males join them in pissing beneath the footbridge (and everywhere there’s a pillar) and why men engage in extra-marital liaisons.
Those days in the University, I often wondered why most guys who could have easily had a bevy of willing ‘chicks’ to choose from would still want to go pick a lady of the night… well, for the night. Now, he might have a girlfriend who is probably shivering form cold as he rams away for a fee. I wondered why agile young teens had to go competing with some semi-senile old men in the night marauding adventure. Why these mostly rich and powerful guys do even had to hustle and pay for sex when most times all it would have cost is a knowing wink and a business card? Then I thought these men were stupid and simply pathetic based on the reasoning that it is useless paying for what you can get free! I thought; why pay for an MTN Fastlink modem when you can use St. James wi-fi hotspot for free? Why buy a CD when you can go to thousand of free MP3 download sites and get the same content, plus… ah, the remixes, without any cost at all? And to think of your doing this over the freebie internet network linkup… Hahaha, good bargain. So why would DSK risk his reputation for something a lady would be glad it was you she gave it to? Why even pay for it?
Recently, in my quest to find a rationale behind every so-called stupid act, I have arrived at the logic that what drives men into soliciting for and paying for sex goes beyond the act itself and deep into other facets of male life itself. Imagine if DSK had paid a lady of pleasure (yea, I know about the Gov. Elliot Spitzer incident and the potential for disastrous consequences, but most high profile comfort women don’t squeal)? The case of Spitzer, Vitter and Weiner even made bigger news because of the hypocrisy of the men involved – Gov. Spitzer and Sen. Vitter worked to make prostitution illegal. If a politician stands for ‘family values’ in parliament and elsewhere while frequenting bordellos or getting married to 13 year olds like Sen. Yerima reportedly did, then that presents a moral debacle and the scandal in a highly moralistic society can be simply catastrophic. Now, talking about political hypocrisy, don’t ask me which politician is actually an advocate of adultery. Lol! So back to where I was before I digressed: Imagined if DSK had ‘cooled’ himself off with paid ‘service’? And that’s the point! Most prostitutes don’t even know the real identity of their ‘customers’. They don’t squeal afterwards. You don’t father love children with them. They don’t call you when they missed their periods. They don’t ask you for that watch they saw at the Mall. They don’t ask for school fees or sleeping fees. They just let you be! They would have just let DSK be! By now he probably would have been trying to negotiating a bailout for Boko Haram infested Borno State after tying up the newest Greek economic rescue package. Stingy ass didn’t wanna pay until he ran into hot Ukazi soup; now look what he’s got himself into….Hahahahahaha.

Seriously now, you see, when you are younger, you don’t want to pay for a lot of things. You don’t have a lot of money, but you have a lot of time. You can walk 3 kilometres to the dirt patch behind St. James to sit on a rough slab, just to browse free. You can sit back and watch the bytes trickle in as you download a 9.2 mb Kelly Rowland Motivation. You can hang around you girl target’s neighborhood for hours on end because you have the hope you might be rewarded handsomely after some more hours of sugartalk. These men of power – million pounds earning footballers, governors, lawmakers, captains of industries – they don’t have time for trysts. So they are left with the harrowing experience of lusting after their secretaries (and/or indulging in a potentially damaging affair with a Monica Lewinksy wannabe) or again, putting a call across to the girl simply known as Sweet Pea. So when you are an adult and averagely successful, foregoing the sweet talk and throwing some woman some change isn’t much of a sacrifice at all. You can have the taste of Egusi, far away from the Okra at home and lalala… life goes on. Of course, all these would be if the rein of personal morality and religion does not do much work in holding you down.

I still do find it difficult understanding why a Giggs would have an affair with his brother’s wife, his brother’s girlfriend and his brother’s girlfriend’s 49 year old ma. Impressive randyness, I’d say. I also can’t understand why a Strauss – Kahn would want to shove his er… LGA Chairman into the buccal cavity of a very reluctant and unwilling Nafissatou Diallo know too well he could get a life threatening bite the next instant (with his ‘eyes wide shut’ of course). I’ve wondered about how he got her ‘struggling’ mouth open… dang! He had a gun with him or he pulled off some life threatening slaps – the kind that immediately initiates you into cosmic travelling? How come DSK’s semen was already on her dress when it’s still ‘attempted rape’? So much questions, so few answers. For sure, this is one case I’ll be following closely.

So it’s crazy; this thing that pushes and tugs at men when it comes to women. But if it’s got something to do with our default settings, then maybe we’ve got some serious customizations to do. Its high time people stop going after other people with claw hammers, mehn… that’s one dangerous tool!

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